Amis is a try-too-hard short man

I suppose it was obvious. The pomposity. The pretentious, attention-seeking use of language. The hate he inspires.

But until this week, I had never realised that Martin Amis was a shorty. He conceded, in a rare moment of straightforward candour this week, that he is 5ft 6 and a half inches. Which by my reckoning makes him just on the very periphery of short. He’s on the cusp of mediocre height, but not quite. For me, this explains why he has all the anger of the short man, with none of the self-deprecating humour. He is all fight and no charm.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/feb/01/martin-amis-interview-pregnant-widow

Looking at it with clear eyes, now I have the salient fact to hand, it must be said that his being short is plastered all across Amis’s writing. Would anyone but a short man compose a first novel based around trying to pull a woman?

A bigger man would simply have got on with pulling the woman and gone home and written a heroic fantasy or a war fiction (the late, great heroic fantasy writer, David Gemmell, was a six-footer).

I did like The Rachel Papers – the cockiness of the central character trying to woo Rachel, his over-preparedness, his try-too-hard nature – because I identified with it.

I have not bothered reading any of his work since Money, but I am sure they are not as good as he thinks, nor as bad as his detractors would have us believe. Amis’s Yellow Dog book inspired one of the most legendary literary insults in recent years.

From Tibor Fischer: “The Yellow Dog isn’t bad as in not very good or slightly disappointing. It’s not-knowing-where-to-look bad…It’s like your favourite unclue being caught in a school playground, masturbating.”

Ouch.

He is a man, who through 'coining' words like 'apocollapse', 'horrorism' and 'edificide' while talking about 9/11 and Islam drew a column in the Guardian from Chris Morris, who suggests he is the new Abu Hamza.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2007/nov/25/bookscomment.religion

Now, while the role of this blog, if it has one, is to trumpet the achievements of the short man, and to strike back against unfair criticism, I can’t help but think that Amis falls into the ranks of short man as pantomime villain. In this category lies Nicholas Sarkozy, Australia cricket captain Ricky Ponting and, for the Englishman, Diego Maradona.

I’m not going to back Amis just because he is short. The bloke has honed his obnoxiousness too far for that. All I want to say is this: Amis would be an entirely different writer if he had as little as half an inch more height - or, better still, not a writer at all. That’s how finely balanced these things are. On this one, I'm very happy to sharpen my knives with everyone else. He deserves no mercy.

The wit and wisdom of Will Greenwood

Nice to see former England rugby player Will Greenwood showing his lighthearted side in the Guardian yesterday. He talks about the japes fellow international Austin Healey used to play on him – such as hiding poor Will’s lucky socks while on tour.

And as an explanation of why Austin – who at 5ft 8ins is not technically short, but is when compared with those monstrous beasts that roam the rugby field – would do such things, Will explains it quite simply: Austin Healey has short man syndrome.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2010/jan/22/small-talk-will-greenwood

What a striking putdown, Will! To explain that Austin Healey is channeling his natural rage at being small by playing practical jokes on bigger men. In essence, Will is saying: ‘I wouldn’t normally put up with this kind of thing, but Austin is short. He can’t help it, poor chap.’

I’ll be honest here. I loathe English rugby players. I can’t think of anything worse than being stuck in a room with Will Carling and Jeremy Guscott. Will Carling's chin is on its own the most smug thing I have ever seen.

Growing up in Essex, I had no concept of rugby players. I didn’t play rugby and I didn’t know anyone who did. It was only at university that I came across the concept of the ‘rugby lad.’ The sight of three rugby lads urinating off a second floor balcony at my student halls while shouting obscenities told me everything I needed to know about this peculiar breed of Englishman.

So, in that context, saying that a shortish man has short man syndrome really does count as razor-sharp wit indeed. So jolly good show, Mr Greenwood.