Is it possible to write about Jamie Cullum without mentioning his height?

The answer to the question is - in theory, yes, but in practice, no chance whatsoever.

Jamie is the cover starlet of the latest ES magazine, brought to lucky Londoners by the Evening Standard. ES purports to be a quality publication, with a slightly classier feel than the main paper.

And so when interviewing a short man such as Jamie Cullum, ES does not want to address the matter of the musician's height directly. At least not at the top of the article. There is no 'pintsize pianist' reference, to remind the reader that while Cullum is talented, he remains troublingly tiny.

So the journalist, in this instance Christopher Silvester (sounds like a white collar criminal, don'tcha think?), is forced to scratch around for a few hundred words before getting to the main thrust of the piece, namely:

How on earth is Jamie Cullum married to Sophie Dahl when she is a model, and much taller than him?

Silvester, being a classy features writer for ES, addresses the issue elegantly, and of course indirectly. He talks of the 'tabloid obsession with Sophie being much taller than [Cullum]' forgetting that the Standard is a tabloid with just that obsession.

Cullum, no doubt through gritted teeth at the sheer crassness and inevitability of it, responds that, 'I've always been shorter than most girls I've gone out with, so I'm very used to it.'

I wish one day Cullum would answer the question, giving the journalists exactly what they want:

"You know what, I was absolutely astonished when Sophie Dahl agreed to marry me. I may have millions of record sales to my name and be a really nice guy, but I can't believe she couldn't see beyond all that to the fact that I am unbelievably short, and reject me out of hand because of my height, and go out with some other guy who was taller. Sophie's a great girl, but why she's married to a midget like me I will never know."

Go on Jamie, give 'em what they want.

Jamie Cullum in marriage shocker!!!

In the modern day, few celeb relationships have drawn the anti-small man ire among the journalistic community more than that of Jamie Cullum and Sophie Dahl.

Let’s check the facts. Cullum is the most successful jazz pianist ever to come out of Britain. Okay, so he doesn't quite have the artistic credibility of someone like back-in-the-day hero George Shearing. But the bloke knows his jazz, loves it, and is very, very popular.

Sophie Dahl is a successful model and, more recently, cookery writer and granddaughter of Roald Dahl. As successful, intelligent British celebrities of a similar vintage, they would appear to be a happy lovematch.

Not to the media. Their relationship is deemed strange and peculiar and a valid target for sneering and mirth. Why? Well, because Cullum is shorter than Dahl. Incredible! I mean, who would credit it?

Therefore, Cullum is pointedly condemned as “pintsized” while Dahl is hailed “statuesque” by the Daily Mail.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1242166/Naked-truth-feuding-Calendar-Girls.html

The Telegraph explicitly points out that the couple’s height difference has been the subject of much joking in the press.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews/6967447/Sophie-Dahl-and-Jamie-Cullum-marry.html

Cullum, showing a clear lack of decency and respect for the media, said: “It’s hard to see it as a problem when we are very happy.”

And, worse, the couple decided to have a small scale wedding without letting Hello or OK in to take pictures. Some people will never learn.