World cup build-up begins with jingoistic attack on short man Maradona

Qualification is over, the summer is drawing near. And so the build-up to the World Cup can begin in earnest.

For the England fan this takes on a very familiar form. First, forget all previous World Cups apart from the one we won in 1966. Second, casually play down the claims of better teams such as Germany and Brazil.

But most of all, begin the jingoistic hatred of the Argie, in particular their 5ft 5ins manager, Diego Armando Maradona.

The English hate Maradona for very good reason. He is the greatest player of all time. He is an Argie – our desperate foe in the Falklands War. He hates the English. And, to make matters worse, he is short.

Maradona did the England football fan the great service of crystallising their hatred of him and his nation in a single moment; namely, the Hand of God goal in the 1986 World Cup. Maradona was at the peak of his powers. He had already ripped to shreds the English defence – the ape-like Terry Butcher included – to score one of the greatest goals of all time.

But Diego knew that to truly inflame the English he needed to not just beat them through wondrous skill. He needed to cheat as well. Thus, when he rose for a header against Peter Shilton he decided to reach up and knock the ball into the net with his hand.

The sheer impudence of it was magnificent. Shilton is about a foot taller than him and, as a goalie, could use his hands. So how on earth could Maradona win the ball, legally?

He couldn’t. But in that World Cup, when Maradona convinced the world he could do anything, the referee succumbed to believe that this ‘pint size’ player could also leap higher than a six-foot goalie.

Maradona is now in charge of the Argentina football team. And while he has shown himself to have little tactical nous, unfortunately for the English, he doesn’t really need any. All he has to do is pick Lionel Messi, tell the rest of his players to give him the ball, and the pesky Argies will have a much better chance of winning the World Cup than England.

Which leaves the England football fan in the position of having no option but to take recourse in the old sport of mocking Maradona. And last week, Diego gave the perfect opportunity, by getting bitten on the face by his dog, while trying to kiss her.

This made front page news for the Sun, with its oh so witty headline, Hand of Dog. This prompted a decent flurry of comments on the newspaper’s website with one chappie saying succinctly, ‘it is God’s punishment for him cheating on England.’

Well said. Always best to get the abuse in first before the Argies, led by their titchy maestro, start plotting our demise in the most dastardly manner.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2914190/Snoggy-with-doggy-leaves-Diego-groggy.html